Smell Ya Later!

I’m terrible at reading social cues.  Truly, horribly, toe-curlingly awful at it.  As a result I have a morbid fear of outstaying my welcome, of pushing myself in where I’m not wanted.  It isn’t easy for me to give up on someone but if I sense them cooling then I try my hardest not to turn into the “I’m not gonna be IGNORED Dan” bunny-boiler stereotype.  It’s a fine line to tread though, to show continued interest without applying pressure if the other person is cooling off.

K has been a FB for a number of years.  While we get on well, we both understood the limits of the relationship as FB, not FWB.  If sex is off the table then we would never meet up just to spend time together.  I enjoy his company and have nothing but love for him, but it’s entirely a sexual arrangement.

I originally met K on a swinging site, through his wife.  She liked the idea of K meeting up with other women, though she didn’t want to participate.  When we all met up for a meal and a drink we got along swimmingly, so much so in fact that the following week saw K and I in a hotel.  I still find it slightly odd how many wives introduced me to their husbands on that site – a very unusual dynamic but it’s always beautiful to know everything is open and honest.  Neither K nor his wife still have an open profile on the site on which we met, but then it doesn’t seem the sort of site that most people stay on for long.

There is a great deal to like about K.  He has a quiet intensity which I enjoy; in a crowd he is the person standing against the wall, watching.  He has sex in a similarly intense way, favouring positions where we can look into each other’s eyes, fingers entwined or his arms hooked behind my shoulders, pulling me against him.

He is an inch or two shorter than I, a stocky, solid comforting presence of a man and a lovely weight to feel on top of me, pressing me into the mattress.  I’ve never known a man to enjoy oral quite as much as K does, both giving and receiving.  He likes to sit on a chair or on the bed with his back against the wall, while I kneel between his legs and bring him off.  While we had met before the first lockdown most of our time together happened when restrictions relaxed, at which point my hair had grown longer and he loves to wrap it around his hand and use it to guide my head, my mouth sliding up and down his cock at a tempo he sets.

He loves to suck on my clit while he fingers me, and he brings me to the most intense climaxes I’ve experienced from oral (not normally my favourite activity).  His favourite part is after I’ve come down, as I stop twitching, crawling up my body to give me deep, lush kisses, letting me taste myself on his mouth which is a huge turn on to both of us.

He very rarely spent the entire night with me, preferring to head for home, his wife and his own bed.  In spite of that I’ve never felt rushed.  He’s headed off at two or three in the morning, leaving me sated and pleasantly achy in bed, and he never leaves until he’s had two or three orgasms and I’m a quivering boneless heap!  Last summer we had a few lovely sunny afternoons in bed when we were both off work on the same day, and lying in a pool of sunlight while it felt like the rest of the world was at work had a gorgeously irresponsible feel to it.

While the sex is a joy, the calmer times with K are equally delightful.  He likes to maximise the amount of skin-to-skin contact, enjoying lying with my head on his shoulder, legs entwined while his free arm strokes every bit of skin he can reach.  He loves to play with my hair and have me play with his, and he enjoys having his chest hair petted in those quieter moments.  He’s one of the few men I know who is completely at ease with silence, never asking what I’m thinking.

There comes a point when I’m meeting someone regularly that I instigate a conversation.  None of these arrangements last forever, and given my inability to pick up on cues I always have one major ask of my partners: if they want to step away or they prefer to meet someone else or they grow bored, if for any reason or no reason at all they’ve had enough, for the love of god tell me, as I won’t pick up on a hint.

I had the conversation with K a long while ago and I had thought we’d both agreed on that as the grown-up way.  A few months back he found a new FB from a club he attends, and since then not only have we not seen each other (it’s been four months – unheard of outside lockdown!) but the messages that used to pass every few days are now barely happening once a month.  I am so disappointed to be left in a place where I don’t know whether my messages are welcome or not, or whether he’d prefer I stop messaging and step away while there is still a graceful way to do so.

I feel like I’m back in the fifth year at school and unable to discern whether sixth-former Pevvo fancies me or whether actually he fancies Ann-Marie and is using me to get closer to her.  I have a lot of insecurities which this is dragging up – am I making a nuisance of myself messaging?  Am I reading too much into it?  If I message and ask whether we’re done will it look like sour grapes that he has another FB (which it entirely isn’t – we both have others and I like to think of him having as much fun as is possible!)?  Is he just responding every now and again to keep me interested in case things don’t work out with his new FB?  I suspect matters aren’t being helped by a situation with another FB who is most certainly doing the latter of those options in the hope of picking things up when he’s horny and bored at some later stage.

For now I’m just leaving things.  I’m not instigating messages, although I respond if either message me (not suggesting meeting up at any point though).  I have partners I see once or twice a year, some where we’ve picked things up after a hiatus of several years, but they’ve never just left me hanging like this.

At a recent social I was asked “are you currently seeing anyone?”.  How would I know?  I’ve no idea!  I completely ignored those two FBs in my reply.  Whether things prove to be ongoing or not, I’ve not seen either in enough months to be able to honestly say they aren’t current.  It’s just a shame when something as lovely as the time I spent with K is soured by this type of non-ending, when there could’ve been some type of “it’s been fun, see ya” closure that would leave me focusing more on the pleasure we shared.